Reconcilable Differences Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love--without Losing Yourself

Every couple has disagreements, but what happens when recurring conflicts start to pull your relationship apart? Do you lie awake hoping that your spouse will eventually see things your way, or rehashing the evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? This popular, science-based guide offers powerful solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. True acceptance may seem difficult to accomplish, but the clear-cut steps and thought-provoking exercises in this book can make it a reality. You'll learn why you keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; what communication strategies really work to resolve conflicts; and how to problem-solve and make positive changes--together. Updated throughout with new research, practical tools, and examples, the second edition features a new chapter on mindfulness.

Mental health professionals: learn about using this self-help guide as an adjunct to therapy at the authors' website (http://ibct.psych.ucla.edu).
 

Andrew Christensen, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. Dr. Christensen has spent more than 30 years studying intimate relationships and working with couples in therapy. He has conducted extensive research on the impact of couple therapy, including the approach on which this book is based, which he developed with the late Neil S. Jacobson, PhD. Dr. Christensen and his wife, who live in Los Angeles, have two grown children.

Brian D. Doss, PhD, is Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Miami, where he teaches and conducts research on couple therapy and romantic relationships. Dr. Doss lives in Miami with his wife and two children.

I. The Conflicting Sides of Conflict
1. Three Sides to Every Story
2. "You're Wrong!": Relationship Problems as Faults
II. A DEEP Understanding of Conflict: The Third Side of the Story
3. "How Can You Be That Way?": Relationship Problems as Differences
4. "You Know How to Hurt Me": Relationship Problems as Emotional Sensitivities
5. "Can't You See I'm Stressed Out?": Relationship Problems as External Circumstances
6. A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Patterns of Communication
III. From Argument to Acceptance
7. The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change
8. A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding
9. Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion
10. Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance
IV. Deliberate Change through Acceptance
11. The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change
12. Deliberate Change through Mindfulness: Custom-Fitting Change to Suit Your Relationship
13. Deliberate Change through Communication: Taking Good Advice about Talking and Listening with a Mindful Grain of Salt
14. The Silver Bullet of Deliberate Change: Taking Charge of Change Even When Things Go Bad
V. When Acceptance Is Not Enough
15. "Don't Do That to Me!": Violence, Verbal Abuse, and Infidelity
16. Calling In the Professionals: Couple and Individual Therapy
Resources
Bibliography